It has felt as if we were melting – these past days of such humid, heat rising oppression. With sweating horses and rabbits sprawled across every damp piece of shaded earth, I have felt the job of bearing water become a matter of life and death. I fill the recently scrubbed clean tubs as the sun sets and wonder about the discomfort of those left to their own ingenuity to stay hydrated…
I take running water and ice from the fridge for granted. I know that I do, and I take our air conditioned home for granted… yet, I thank the faucets and I thank the central air’s thermostat and I thank the freezer daily, out loud, with intent. I feel deep gratitude as I slip into the heavy night, but I only faintly recall living in the shack with so much less (and my life is by no means posh now!)… I have to remind myself of the nights when I looked at the red digital display of my old alarm clock at 11:34 and thought, night after depressing night, that it spelled “hell” backwards if I let my head drop back… thinking “I live in hell” at that time in that place.
The hot air, hot floor, hot windows keep me deep in the thinking rather than doing my yoga or reading a book. I feel both agitated and lethargic and simply blame the weather. A small glass of wine opens the blood vessels and my breaths come more easily.
A year ago SO much was different. I cannot think about a year ago. I was a different woman then. My purpose was different then. My peace sang from different lips and my back ached until it pulled my neck to distorted proportion. Nothing is what it was in the last August I knew.
So, this marker of much emotion, loss, hope, joy, excitement, this August – it speaks to me of the charmed life I live. Of bouncing back. Of seeing only love. Of being trustworthy. Of being real.
Setting sail…that’s what I am doing. This “ship” is releasing from the dock of uncertainty and bobbing out into a sea of adventure. The horses are joining me, the dogs are joining me, a community now joins me as advocates for the unwanted and unloved. WE have the capacity to love each other SO MUCH that even the deep scars dissipate and the tortures of the past are healed just like staring at a cloud until it evaporates into the blue.
It has felt as if we are melting. The summer has held us to task physically and mentally. The world is speaking a new language, a dialog of love and of possibilities of peace. I refuse to melt. I intend to listen closely.