Delegating responsibility is a strange thing for me. Today, my wonderful working student is turning horses out and mucking while I try to “rest”. I got rear ended in my truck at a red light yesterday and have to judge a horse show tomorrow… I’m pretty sure I’m okay, just dazed and shaky mostly because it scared the willies out of me. The SUV that hit me was more damaged than my Ford Ranger XLT – what an awesome little truck I have. The hitch and ball arrangement has been bent, I pray that it is an easy fix… will investigate it all next week (yep, needed to add stuff to my plate!).
When I got home with hay yesterday, I noticed that my little ET magnet from Roswell had fallen off – strange, isn’t it, I was unhappy about losing that magnet… even thought about my bumper stickers from Hawaii when the guy hit me. I realize today that there are seemingly small, insignificant things that can mean a lot to us. Where these items came from is my attachment to them.
Now, my trailer hitch ball is bent up under the truck, but the tailgate works & she seemed to drive fine… I know I’m lucky.
I thought about a package of things that were sent to me from Australia and how, even after months of disconnection from the peep who sent them and lots of up and down energies, the things sent are precious to me…. I even put them in the dumpster a while back, then climbed in and dug through a week’s worth of horse poop to retrieve them on the morning the trash truck was coming. It’s not the things, it’s the people and places the things are tied to that give them such value.
I have the bear fetish my Mum got in Sedona on a trip she and I made many years back. I can clearly recall how she reacted when I drove us down into Sedona on the road from Flagstaff; how she gasped at the beauty… how she and I connected on that trip. How precious the memory and the carved bear are to me.
And, how precious the DH Tribe is to me – how a friend can take over and the horses are safe and cared for and I can rest… I can be still for a bit. I can heal.
My dogs gather around me and all put their paws on my body and lie down beside me… loyal little healers… best friends.
And my mare Penny is improving. She tore ligaments in her lower leg. The healing process is very slow. I make medicine for her, tribe members bring medicines for her, we are loving her through this. I do not know if she will be able to carry weight again after she recovers… her favorite thing is to work with tiny children anyway, so whatever the outcome, Penny will be okay here. She is adored.
So today remains strange for me. I feel a bit sideways, kind of off center, a little dizzy but not in trouble… my neck and shoulders are so stiff that I think Monday will be a soak in hot mineral water day IF I can get the truck checked out early & feel safe driving it up north… and if the day isn’t 100 degrees, which it might be!
I’m realizing just how difficult it is for me to be still. I meditate, but that is my practice, it is actually doing something in my mind. I guess this day will be for practice of being still. To find the stillness again in my soul. The scary part about that is the possibility of “letting my guard down”; of feeling things I’ve been setting aside; of being aware of myself. Hmmm…
The rambling of this day, of these thoughts lets me see again through different eyes and know that I am on the right track with what we are doing with Dharmahorse. To watch my student caring for the horses and feel secure about their good manners in the (now gusty) wind and her good sense in their care and handling, well, I know we are special. We are important, even if it is only to these horses, we are important.