New Mexico is all frozen today. Lots of time for retrospection, especially since it is New Year’s Eve here! I spent a couple of hours this morning at the Moongate Cafe’ drinking hot tea and eating bean tacos as the frosty mountains were enveloped in fog… watching from the Cafe’ window, bitter wind slamming the walls.
I met two friends there who are ex’s of mine – two nice men who are friends with each other (were not before me) and remain friends with me. I never have thought of this as odd, at least not until some peeps made odd faces about it. I believe that when you know good people, they are still good people even if a planned relationship fails in one respect. I like having someone to visit with over hot drinks on a mind numbing, cold day. I go to the Moongate alone, too. I do most things in my life alone.
So, I was thinking about family. Another friend had mentioned families the other day and I realized that mine is huge in one respect (and very small if measured by “blood”) – my “online” family and my “tribe” of clients and friends here at Dharmahorse. I do not think I could have made it through the year without my beloved friends, my family of friends. With social media, I could keep those who care about me informed as to my situations. Then, their words of comfort and things as simple as posting a heart or a smile would let me know they knew that I existed… they cared that I existed.
This morning, I posted a few lines on Facebook about struggling to feed horses and breaking ice on the water tubs. Friends have commented about their own struggles with brutal weather, which helped me feel less lonely. Friends also comment about beautiful weather which helps me know that seasons change and hope lingers.
As I lost beloved, elderly pets; tried to save a starved beyond recovery horse; worked to care for my Mum until she passed over, friends all over the world “held my hand” and “held my heart” and helped me feel strong. And, when I see that a friend is hurting, whether I have “met” them or not, I can hold them in love and light and tell them so!
I have said that my life is an “open book” – and it is thanks to the internet. There are mixed blessings in this fact. But, I have nothing to hide or apologize for in any large way, so I’m comfortable with it all… most of the time. I am so glad to be able to sit here today in my office and read what others have to say. I can express myself in multiple fashions and share myself with those who want to know me. And I listen to those who wish to share. For many of us, I suspect this is a way to feel less isolated when the weather forces us indoors and inside our own minds and feelings.
I walk a line – on a line, one of balancing priorities as an instructor, caretaker, trainer, healer and artist. I keep so many plates spinning that I do not know how to let them wind down and me relax. So, I have people I can communicate with day in and day out who are in the same energy and some who know the way to relax. I pay attention. I also offer up all that I learn along the way.
I am grateful today as 2014 winds down (goodbye to it! I’m glad to see it end) and possibilities are opening up for us all. 2015 just must be a better year. I can feel it! But, my love goes out to everyone who touched my life this past year. We were all in it together, you know! We got through together. We have each other! Love fills my well of experiences. If I hurt anyone, I sincerely apologize. If I helped anyone, I was useful and am so glad to have been.
I won’t stop caring and I won’t stop sharing. We are always “breaking the ice” with each other – smash through the hard stuff, decimate the static and unyielding! Uncover the flowing, soft and gentle underneath parts of life and of ourselves to become the vulnerable, genuinely good human beings we are. Smile.