It is Christmas Eve – I simply had to get groceries for my brother, the dogs and myself. So I braved going into the city and survived rather well, returning with most of what I set out to find at the Natural Grocer, Better Life and (sigh, I have to for some things) WalMart. It was a circus. So I decided to try to enjoy the show.
As I drove around, I decided to push my boundaries today and listen to Counting Crows. You see, I had stopped listening to them for personal reasons… and they were one of my favorite bands because of a few select songs. I couldn’t bear to hear one song in paritcular and it was sad because it was a very favorite. Yet, if I heard it start on my MP3 player or the radio, I was quick to shift to something else. Silly girl. I let emotions change something within me.
The reason for the CC glitch inside of me does not matter here – the reason for my inability to drink my favorite tea (Darjeeling) is something I can share without affecting anyone else. I bought an Arabian colt and named him Darjeeling. This was years ago. I raised him, started him under saddle, planned to leave him a stallion, but I moved with him to work in EAP. I gelded him and adored him and planned to keep him forever.
I ended up in southern Arizona and ended up homeless briefly with Darjeeling and my older gelding, Dorje’, at friends’ at the organic herb farm commune. I moved into the pasture with my horses. I had awesome experiences with the most wonderful people and unbelievable place and when my Mum in New Mexico was having trouble, I returned here to help her heal. I gave my Darj and Dorje’ to the people I loved so much. My horses, now their horses, lived on hundreds of acres of pasture in a beloved herd – I “did good”!!
But, my favorite tea became too difficult to drink. I missed Darjeeling so much. But, the boys were together; Darj (place of the thunderbolt), Dorje’ (the Thunderbolt!).
Today, in the city, I bought a box of Darjeeling tea.
Tonight, I will have hot tea. I will listen some more to August and Everything (I just turned it on) – I will no longer let things take away what I love just because I feel pain or sorrow…….. “Round Here, we always stand up straight, Round Here, something radiates”… I think I keep healing 🙂
I’m getting braver. I can feel it. And I love Darjeeling so much. And I will try to understand all that has happened. (Dorje’ passed over last year, in his 30’s)… and I still love….