Hiding in safe places…

Today a student rode Dream Cat. This young woman has a classical Dressage background and fell in love with my little mare. Dream Cat has her half passes, collection, passage, flying changes and half canter pirouette – I worked with this mare when she was 3 to 5 years old and later after I Dressaged her sire… she will be 20 years old soon – I have loved her all her life. She is an old friend.

My student inspired me thinking about my past and my choices and my passions. I was an old deKunffy student, I was passionate about Dressage! I have a lifetime of study and practice and tons of photos and stories about Dressage and Combined Training and horse life… one dimensional, I’ve been told on many occasions.

dress

But, I also rode Harleys. I worked for a Veterinary hospital. I worked for a company that built airplane parts for the military. I’m an amateur radio technician. I have run printing presses of all sizes and temperaments. I drove big trucks. I wrote for New Mexico Magazine, Organic Gardening, more equine and animal mags than I can count, newspapers, Journals…. I have sold paintings from galleries in 2 states… that all sounds pompous, but it is true and it flies in the face of those who see a life with horses as limited and trite.

And I’m not done. Several years of my life have been dedicated to caring for my Mother and I am so pleased that I did so. Yet now, I look at my passions and there are still more kicking around inside me. I’m in love with my 2 didgeridoos. Since playing the violin was taken from me by an accident, I had spent the decades thinking I had no music to make myself. I was wrong.

The didges challenge me and please me. I have moved from being in love with an Australian (yet still am…) to being near falling in love with Australia. I love New Mexico, but New Mexico doesn’t mind if I also love a very similar energy continent! I have visions when I hit resonance with my didges and I dream now of silver rings and spirals and red earth…

I saw my own spirit in a dream the other night and tried to draw her. She is that young one inside me who knows all the secrets because the world didn’t disappoint her. She is my true self and she can ride a Harley, suture a wound or run an IV, double clutch an unsynchronized 8 gear tilt cab, print glossy posters on an old Solna, tap out S O S on a spark gap if necessary and, to my amazement – play a didgeridoo! She is me.

didges

I am so glad I found her again – I think we all need to find our spirit selves!!

I believe that our deepest love and fascination is held safely in storage deep inside of us when life is biting our heels, clouding our perspective and grinding away any sense of confidence. Just under the surface, our passion lives. I refuse to be afraid to follow mine (even if I end up on a cargo ship to Oz…) – that spirit, that passion hides when necessary to keep it alive. When it rises up from its hiding place and looks us square in all three eyes, we are obligated to love it, embrace it, dance with it and share it.

I’m thinking about which horses I need to be riding for my own joy and I’m trying so hard to get circular breath on the bamboo didge that is the hardest to play (and therefor the most interesting to me… hmmmm). I’m starting a book by my cousin that is deeply pertinent. I’m going through my “stuff” and culling what is redundant. I’m letting my re-discovered spirit-self direct me in the same way she has all my life, through my heart.

And tonight I drop on the sofa after my brother took me out for supper. I am weary! I taught lessons from 8:30 AM to 3:30 PM, non-stop today. It’s good. It’s hard. I remember being so strong… I will be again. I remember being so brave… I still am 🙂

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