In control, or in charge…

This was a day of shifting perspectives at Dharmahorse! I had gone to bed last night fighting this injured neck with 1,000 mgs of aspirin followed by Indian food, later cayenne capsules with a cup (couldn’t find wine glasses…) of wine and at the end, 2 Benedryls to assure sleep! I had run the gamut with herbs and homeopathics and still was waking up to the kind of pain that made me scream out! My awesome students and families helped with everything today including the lessons and we made it through a long day!

I met the step father of a student who said, “how incredible that you can wake up to this beautiful mountain and beautiful horses every morning!”… it made me think. A lot! About the hard road to get to this little sanctuary… about the peeps who surround me and the love we all share. I felt beyond grateful today.

hank and grits

Some of my pain lately is from actual injury, some, I know, is emotional. Getting my Mum through her situation and into a healing space was stressful! So worth all the effort, but difficult none the less. I’m deeply in love with a person I have not heard from in over 2 weeks. I know he is facing his own situations and all I can do is hold the form for our relationship in my heart and believe in us until I do hear from him. I just hope he is okay, that he has peace. It is the first time in my life that I have felt such fascination with someone.

So, I had supper with a friend at a cafe’, had a long visit tonight with my brother and told him about the day. One student had her mare fall, nose dive, into the soft footing when the wretched goathead plants tripped her! Student did a proper sort of flip onto her buttocks, landing in a mass of dry stickers. The mare was fine, too, with dirt pushed up her nostrils and scuffed, but unharmed knees. Another student had her own foot trod upon, but not harmed, by our gelding, Majic. I tried some naproxen sodium for my pain and it made me a bit spacey but actually helped. This neck has brought me to point of using allopathy! After the acupuncture two days ago, I was feeling better so ended up lifting 2 railroad ties back onto the arena drag, unloaded several 100 pound bales of hay and carried a wooden pallet… oops.

The horses had a really fine day today with turn outs, grooming, riding, therapy and lots of loving. As I prepare for bed tonight, I think about how this herd touches so many lives. People from devastating situations find comfort with these horses. People looking for creative expression or excitement or even physical therapy find it here. I’m so proud to be the captain of this ship.

And a parent who works with youth at risk (as I did in EAP years back) spoke of being “in charge” rather than “in control” and I just really like that! To control seems to require force in one form or another; in charge implies being respected and looked up to. I do like that! The one seems ego based and the other denotes responsibility.

So, I don’t want to control anyone’s life. I like being in charge of my stable yard – the steward of good health and goodwill for these animals and the people who interact with us here. If I can find relaxation for myself once again and build back strength rather than just power through situations, I think life will flow smoothly again. We can all benefit from a moment to breathe and to find perspective. I will take some Vitamin C tonight. I need hay so I will get smaller bales on Monday to avoid stressing physically. I will meditate and visualize those I love in healthy, calm and noble spaces. It’s the best I can do right now.

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